Today was my 'comprehensive assessment' which is in other words daylight robbery with gloves in your mouth. I've gone for a private dental practice as I felt that they'd be more patient, kind, understanding etc but my word, we'll be selling a lung to pay for my nice teeth!
I don't want to digress too far into it as that isn't the purpose of this post. I went, had the check up, didn't die (although I had my matching underwear on just in case!), didn't cry, faint, have a panic attack or soil my pants. Mum came along but I felt brave enough to have her sit in the waiting room rather than the treatment room. I feel like I've overcome the world's biggest obstacle and I am very proud. It's like a tether that was noosed around my neck has been cut and I'm finally taking a massive step in the right direction towards our future.
For someone who, less than a month ago, would rather give birth to a 10lb baby seven times a day or die a painful death than cross the threshold of a dental practice never mind have someone look at my teeth, this a massive step.
So what changed? Why did I feel inspired to take this step?
Blogging and the blogging community. It has literally changed my whole life.
I posted this on my Twitter and it was the first time I'd ever spoken publicly about my phobia to anyone, even my close friends, my Mum, anybody.
I thought people would think 'silly woman, get a grip' but they didn't. I was overwhelmed with support. Support from people who are in similar situations, people who are fighting other demons, people who understood.
For the first time ever, I felt like somebody got it. Women who I don't know, who I've never met. You have changed my life. You have given me the confidence to take this on and beat it.
This morning when I was in a panic, I didn't want to speak to my life long friends who I see all the time. I sought support from Twitter. I got that support straight away, from women who don't know me, but understand me. Women that have been there for me more than anyone else during this. Strangers who have changed my life.
Blogging has changed my life. It's empowered me to take on this journey and kick my phobia in the teeth (god I'm full of puns tonight!)
So yes, I am immensely proud of myself. More proud then when I passed my driving test. More proud than when I got my degree. Almost as proud as when I gave birth. I'm doing this and I'm refusing to be held back anymore.
But I wouldn't have been able to do it without you. To all the people who've offered kind words, who've listened, who've understood;
although I don't know you.
Thank you. From the bottom of my heart.