I have always had a hankering for 'sh*t TV' as Mr C so eloquently puts it. TV for pure & utter pleasure. Trash. Cheese. Pointless viewing apart from sheer entertainment.
He's an avid armchair football fan so what category that comes under I will never know but it's safe to say, when it comes to TV... myself & Mr C will never see eye to eye.
Whilst on mat. leave with Freddie, we still lived in Liverpool, a very rough part if truth be told and because it was a stop gap before our move to Yorkshire, I never really made any friends apart from my work colleagues. Obviously whilst I was on mat. leave, both my colleagues and Mr C were all at work so the 2 weeks that I had off, were a pretty lonely if not relaxing time.
To fill the 9 hours in which Mr C was at work, I watched 'sh*t TV'. My most favourite 'sh*t' being 'The Real Housewives of Orange County.'
What I've learnt now, after 16 months of being a 'housewife' and a mother is that, it's not half as glamorous as it's perceived to be.
Strictly speaking I'm not solely a housewife, I work 16 hours a week on a weekend but from Monday to Friday, I am a stay at home Mum to Fred.
My friends in particular think I have the life of Riley. As I've said before, they both work long hours; one's a midwife and the other a pharmacist so they both have a hectic lifestyle. Neither have any sprogs.
They imagine that I'm having lie-ins till 11am, coffee mornings and crafting sessions. Heck, they think I'm a few steps from joining the W.I! I have time to get my nails done, meet for lunch & maybe a shopping spree in Selfridges.
In reality, my life is as far aware from the girls in the O.C as physically possible.
Here's my diary; the diary of The Real Housewife of Yorkshire.
7am - 7.30am - Be awoken by Freddie shouting 'Mama Down!'
7.30am - You can normally guarantee that we have a stink to sort which often includes full wardrobe change into new PJ's.
7.45am - Give Fred his cup whilst I prepare breakfast.
8am - Give breakfast normally dodging wayward Weetabix or sneaky slices of toast. Restrain F who's usually trying to climb out of his highchair to post raisins into the PS3 or climb onto the windowsill to terrorise next tabby.
8.30am - Bribe F to sit nicely whilst I run upstairs to get washed & dressed. This normally involves a spray of dry shampoo, a quick pin up and daily uniform of jeans & t-shirt.
9am - Get F washed & dressed into his first of many costume changes. Chase him round the room 16 times whilst he's squealing like a little Piggy in his best attempt to escape his vest.
9.10am - Scrape the remains of some well smuggled Weetabix off the new sofa.
9.30am - Attempt to put on some make-up in a bid to hide the dark circles only to find that F has salivated onto my make up brush and poured my expensive foundation into his water tray.
10am - Wrestle F into the car, bribing him with You Tube whilst he shouts 'Don't!'
10.30am - Check I've locked the door at least 15 times and then find I've lost the keys at some point on the 10m journey down the path.
10.45am - 45 minutes after starting the mission, find keys stuffed between F's car seat.
11am - Turn up at least 40 minutes late to wherever you we were going. Listen to earache from whoever we were late to meet.
11.10am -12.30pm - Normally we spend one day a week at a play gym. I spend the whole time chasing round like a blue arsed fly persuading Freddie that we don't wipe our snot on little girl's Princess costumes and we have to share the dumper truck.
12.30pm - 1pm- Tempt F with the food fit for a King that gets me splattered down the walls, himself and any unsuspecting character who chose to sit within 10 feet of us.
1pm - 1.30pm - Tackle the process of getting him out of the play gym and into the car, again with the help of Peppa Pig on the iPad.
2pm - Put F down for a nap. Time for a rest?
2.30pm - After running up & down the stairs 16 times a minute to retrieve Millie Rabbit who's been slung against the wall in defiance, F is finally asleep.
2.40pm - Time for a rest? Realise I've still not had breakfast and put some soup in microwave for Lunch. Tidy dishes & hoover round downstairs.
3.30pm - 4.15pm - F wakes and it's time for snack. We spend half an hour doing a craft activity. Today it's painting and I end up with a masterpiece to rival Picasso on my living room wall. Fab!
4.30pm - Mr C arrives in from work. Time for a rest?
4.45pm - 5.15pm - Prepare F's tea and allow him some time to feed his self. This resembles feeding time at the zoo and I spend half my time wiping bean juice out of my hair.
5.20pm - 6pm - Entertain F whilst trying to prepare the grown up's meal. This normally involves him wanting to help and emptying the whole of the pan cupboard onto the kitchen floor.
6pm - 7pm - Fold the washing whilst F is allowed to use 30 minutes TV time. We then read stories and get ready for bath time.
7pm - 7.30pm - Bath Time is like bathing an electric eel and I tell no lie, only works smoothly when I rope Mr C into it and we dance around the bathroom to a BeeGees classic.
7.30pm - Freddie goes to bed. Time for a rest?
7.30pm - 8.30pm - Finish making tea and eat, catching up on Mr C's day at work. As far as he's aware, I also spend my day shopping and dining out. Yeah right!
8.30pm - 10pm - Tidy the dishes, clean the bathroom and get out Mr C's work wear. Forget to make his sandwiches so repeat process again.
10pm - 10.30pm - Quick shower although I can always guarantee that I'll drop the shampoo onto the lino and wake F!
10.30pm - 11pm - spend 30 minutes dripping wet trying to soothe a waken F who's startled at mad woman who's leaving a puddle on his bedroom floor.
11pm - 12am - Mr C informs me that he needs important work documents emailing to client that are urgent so seen as I am unpaid secretary and he is unable to switch on a laptop, the job is left to me whilst he goes to bed as he 'has to go to work early in the morning'.
12am- Final check on F. Wash & ready for bed. Time for a rest?
12.10am - Freddie wakes with his teeth. Time for a rest?
Of course not. I'm a mother and that's a 24/7 job!