Typing this seems pretty silly to me at the moment. You're 5 months old, a long way off being a teenager. But if the last 5 months has taught me anything, it is that time flies and before I know it, you will be 18.
I still change your sh*tty nappies; your main source of nutrition is milk and you love to wake up early.
By the time you read this, I won't be going anywhere near your rear end; your main source of nutrition will most probably be burgers & beer and you'll fester in your pit until gone mid-day!
I have no doubt that, at times, you may think you hate me. Thinking about the possibility that you may ever dislike me now makes my heart break. But this is the 18 year old you and you may not be the squishy, cuddly, smiley bundle that you are now. You may think this letter is stupid but these are things I want you to know.
1. If it feels wrong, don't do it. You're a sensible boy and (I hope) you've been raised correctly.
2. Just because you're mates do it, it doesn't mean you have to as well. If they were going to jump off a bridge would you? (Please say no, my nerves couldn't handle you bungee jumping!)
3. Trust your instincts.
4. Never speak bad of yourself. You are the most amazing person i've ever met.
5. Don't be afraid to say 'No.' You don't have to do ANYTHING that you don't want to . Don't do it because someone else wants you to.
6. Don't be afraid to say 'Yes.' If you want to do something, you can. Anything can happen. Nothing is impossible.
6. Be true to yourself. Don't be a people pleaser. Nobody likes a kiss arse.
7. Don't ruin your body with rediculous piercings/tattoo's. I want you to be yourself but a heavy metal lover with dinner plate sized holes in your ears when you're 40.
8. Don't sleep about. Nobody will want you when you're riddled with diseases!
9. Drugs are bad.
10. Treat women with respect. Don't and I'll kick your bloody arse.
11. Don't allow anyone to treat you without respect. If they do, I'll kick their bloody arse.
12. Always remember, I am here to kick arses.
13. Always remember to use protection. Until I 50, I will always be too young to be a grandma
14. Always remember, I have eyes in the back of my head. If you've been up to no good, I'll find out.
15. Always remember, I am here whatever and whenever.
16. And finally, most importantly; Always remember, I love you. I always have and always will.
17. Oh and one more; Always rember, I always know best. My own mother knew what was best for me and I know what's best for you.
You may think I'm being harsh but when you are older, you'll thank me. I guarantee you.
As you'll notice, there is LOTS to remember so #18: Lay off the alcohol, it'll damage your brain cells which will mean you won't remember and you may end up with an angry mummy to contend with ;)
I will love you forever, and more.