Guilt.

I have been a mummy for just short of 5 months. For at least 80% of those 5 months, i've been riddled with 'mummy guilt'. As Freddie grows, so does my 'mummy guilt'; I feel guilty that soon it may be escalating into uncharted territory.

Apparantly it comes with the job. Unbeknown to me, becomming a mummy means that you are plagued with a constant feeling of worry and guilt. Like a leech, it clings to you, making you doubt yourself and your actions.

Am I doing this right? Should I be doing it this way?

I feel guilty that I get insanely tired. Sometimes I feel like I want to retreat to my bed and sleep for a whole week.

I feel guilty when I do sleep. I should be spending every second with my son.

I feel guilty that I spend too much time with him. He won't be able to settle with others when he's older.

I feel guilty when I leave him with his Daddy. What if he misses me?

I feel guilty when he cries.

I feel guilty when he doesn't cry and he's been asleep in his own sh*t all night.

I feel guilty that, someday I want to return to work.

I feel guilty that, someday I may have to leave him to return to work.

I feel guilty that, if I don't return to work, we won't have much money to spend on treats.

I feel guilty that, if I do return to work, we'll have more money but not enough time to enjoy it.

I feel guilty that sometimes I want to put on my favourite heels and dance the night away.

I feel guilty that, other times, I do not want to do that and i'm being a rubbish friend.

I feel guilty that I spoil Freddie.

I feel guilty that he doesn't have enough.

I feel guilty that he watches too much Cbeebies.

I feel guilty that i've given him Calpol; simply because he was 'grouchy.'

It's obvious; guilt is a terrible emotion. It's useless and unproductive and, sometimes, drives me round the bend.

I do my best towards Freddie. I could do no more so why am I plagued by these bloody feelings of 'mummy guilt'.

I suppose I could stop feeling guilty but, do you know what'd happen then? I'd feel guilty about stopping feeling guilty!